Thaivitsar

[AnOnYm]

Fyll på tråden med fler om ni har några 

USA decided to commission a new roadshow to promote manufacturing USA brands in CHina for the SE ASian market. They decided to get pitches for the production of the road show from 3 countries: Thailand, Singapore and China.

The Singaporean guy was first, and said $1m USD, based on an extensive logistics study that revealed ways to produce the roadshow out of MDF, using the latest in laser inkjet printing and sourcing local talent. The Americans were well impressed.

The Chinese guy was next, and said he could do it for $500k USD, based on cheap labour, loss leading and no margin. He said he wanted the work, to develop a relationship and expertise with the roadshow type of work. The Americans then turned to the Thai contractor...

The Thai bidder said "2.5m USD"

When asked why are you so much more than the other two bidders, the answer came as follows:

"1m for you, 1m for me, and we get the Chinese guy to do it"

[Guest Nonki]

Hej

-Håller ni brandmän på med någon idrott?

-Ja, vi spelar brännboll.

MVH Nonki

[AnOnYm]

In summer 1994, in my first trip to Thailand, I was a student at Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok, living in the Thai dorms and eating in the student cafeteria. One morning, while standing in line to get a cup of hot coffee, I noticed that the milk the women in the food stall were using didn't look very good. It wasn't UHT Milk, which means it needed to be refridgerated, which it probably hadn't been. As some of the students in front of me got their coffee and passed by me in line, I could see bits of stale milk floating on the surface of their coffee. I decided to have it black instead.

So when I ordered my coffee, I added "mai sai nom, na khap." If you say it correctly, that means "don't put in any milk, please." However, having no sense at the time (or now) of the tones in Thai language, what I actually said was "stop shaking your breasts, please." The three women in the booth literally fell to the floor in hysterics. Now I was pretty used to Thais who found my attempts to speak their language a source of neverending amusement, but no one had ever collapsed before. So I stood there like a big, dumb white guy, confused smile pasted to my sunburned face, and waited patiently while the women stood up and caught their breath. At which point, I (of course) repeated my request again, taking down not only the women in that booth (again) but the servers in two adjoining booths and a few Chula students who were listening in to see what bizarre thing their caucasian classmate had said now. Finally, one of my Thai roommates came to my rescue, and sorted it out.

***********************************************************************

Again in the summer of '94, after three months of studies at Chula, I spent my last two weeks in country at Patong Beach on Phuket Island. A British friend I had met (who had lived there for years but who couldn't speak Thai to save his life) asked me to help him find out if the local grocery store carried food for his cat. So thinking myself quite the language stud after 12 weeks of Thai classes at Chula, I marched into the store, where an older Thai-Chinese woman sat behind a counter, one end of which was occupied by one of the few true Siamese cats I have ever seen in Thailand. (I thought all Thai cats would be Saimese, or at least many of them, before coming to Thailand.)

What a fortunate coincedence, I thought. The cat was beautiful, probably pure-bred, and obviously quite pampered, unlike all of the strays I was used to seeing. I figured this woman would certainly have cat food to sell. So I asked in gramatically-incorrect Thai "mee miaow ahan, mai khap" which literally translated is "(Do you) have any cat food?" The problem was, in Thai the adjective comes after the noun (like in Spanish), not before (like in English). So I wasn't asking if she has "food for a cat" I was asking if she had "a cat for food." "Mai mee, mai mee" (Don't have) she said, quite shocked.

I, as usual, didn't get it, and neither did my friend. When the woman reacted with a horrified exp​ression, I immediately took it upon myself to make my request more clear. So I repeatedly pointed at her cat dozing on the counter, and followed with a pantomimed motion of feeding myself from my curved hand representing a bowl. "Miaow (cat) ahan" (food) I repeated, over and over while the situation seemed only to get worse and worse.

The lady jumped to her feet, grabbed the cat, and angrily yelled "mai dai, mai dai" (You can't). She backed away from the two of us as far as she could, clutched the startled kitty to her chest and began to cry. Figuring that we had done our bit to advance international understanding for the day, my friend and I left, totally mystified. "I thought you could speak Thai," my friend scolded me in his very proper Brit accent. "I was," I said, "maybe she only speaks Chinese." Yeah, sure, that was it.

[AnOnYm]

A Thai man went for a visit to Australia . On the first day he went to the bank and exchanged 35,000 baht and got back $1000 Australian Dollars. The next day he done the same thing and only got back $ 950 Dollars. He asked why the difference. The bank teller said " fluctuations" and the Thai man stormed out of the back yelling " Fluck you Australians too"

[Guest Nonki]

Hej

-Vet du att jag är professor i historia?

-Aaahhh, så festligt, dra en då!

MVH Nonki

[ban99arne]

Finns inget mer komiskt än Thailändska brännbollsspelare, verkligen skojigt.

[move]Storskojaren Arne[/move]

[foreverbubbles8]

Ok, här kommer min bästa.

- Akta dig för trappan

- vilken trappppppppppppppppppppppppaa

Ger rött kort till mig själv

[Uffe_S]

Mannen och hustrun är på Zoo och står framför den stora hangorillans bur

- Pröva med att visa honom dina bröst, säger mannen

Hon gör det och gorillan flippar ut totalt

- Pröva med att ta av dig trosorna och visa honom musen, säger mannen

Hon gör det och gorillan blir ännu mer upphetsad

Mannen öppnar buren och knuffar in hustrun och säger

- Försök nu förklara för honom att du har migrän !!

/ Uffe & Nid